The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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