I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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