u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
