Im at strip club and am horny
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
