On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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