were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
