apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
