No awkward lesbian experiences without me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize