Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
