Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
is wine microwaveable?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
