I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
