either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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