i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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