I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize