Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
