So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
