Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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