i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
