i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize