whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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