I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
