I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My liver just had a heart attack.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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