Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
did i walk over a car last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
