Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
