i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
