my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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