My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
