Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
