ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
