and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
