Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize