cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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