I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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