There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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