i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't deserve a penis
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
