Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
