windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
