And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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