The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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