Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
