Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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