my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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