so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
