my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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