I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He better not be in your backpack
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
