Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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