I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Come see our sink grown plant.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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