Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
