my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
