saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize