i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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