we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Say something about gay babies.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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