About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
