Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
