no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
