NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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