You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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