We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
