what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
