We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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