Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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