so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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