Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
