I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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