Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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