i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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