He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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