Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
