and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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