my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
