i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
