Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
