it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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