How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
