Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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