I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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