this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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